Welcome to a new segment on the blog. This is where I will be sharing, as it says, the good, the bad, and the ugly haha. If you follow me on Instagram you already know that I show the good and the bad. I am all about authenticity. I share my experiences living with a disability, being a mama, and adventuring. There are times where it’s not all about all the awesome places I get to see, honestly it’s not the majority of the time haha. That is not meant to sound incredibly negative but it’s real life. Every day is different and every day is challenging in one way or another living with Cerebral Palsy. I have often felt like if I complain or cry about it then I must be an ungrateful terrible person but I’m learning that’s just not true. Life is hard and sometimes sucks haha. So if you choose to stick around then hello! If not, that’s okay if it’s not for you. I’ll be sharing some of my greatest moments of triumph and also some sad and ugly ones too.
Here is my “first“ thought for this segment. Since starting my journey of showing the world that the outdoors is for everyone I started an All Abilities Hiking group which turned into a few canceled meet ups because I had kidney stones that stuck around for too long where eventually I had to have surgery and another month I fractured my pelvis and couldn’t hike (Doctor’s orders…BLAH). It’s turned into an All Abilities Outdoor Meetup until I can hike again. I started it because I really wanted to connect with people who love the outdoors as much as me and wanted to meet other outdoorsy moms and honestly anyone: guys, gals, single, married. I wanted/want to grow this community of all abilities and learn from others. Getting outdoors with others is rough for me. I had joined a few other awesome hiking groups but often could not go because I couldn’t do the hikes; sometimes they were too hard or they were outdoorsy mom group hikes and I couldn’t carry my toddler on these trails or we couldn’t go because it was too hard to keep her safe because she is a toddler and is faster than me now and in the outdoors there are often big mountain tops and rivers close by. Not every hike was like that but many of these group hikes were.
So, I took a big leap and started my own group. It is a group to share inclusivity in the outdoors. I then had a fear that people would think I was upset that I couldn’t join their groups but that’s not the case either. I just decided to start out on my own to hopefully meet up with likeminded people who understand that sometimes I can’t do hikes that others can and that the slowest hiker sets the pace. I would still go to the other hiking groups when I could and when it was something within my abilities. Now, here I am crying in my car and this here are a few of my thoughts after a failed meet up: some people with disabilities (not all, I don’t pretend to know how all people with disabilities feel) don’t want you to cancel your plans; they don’t want to keep you from your groups or epic hikes, they just want to be a part of something sometimes. We often feel like outcasts and want to be included once in a while. We want to see the cool things you are doing and we think it is so awesome to see the cool peaks you are climbing and the things you are accomplishing within your abilities. I feel I have been blessed for most of life to be surrounded by great family and friends that have found a way to include me but there have been times that I’ve felt like an outcast and like no one understood. So here I am saying that being an outdoorsy gal, having a disability, and being a mama can feel incredibly lonely sometimes. I hear a lot about mamas who have children with disabilities but I don’t hear a lot of the opposite: mamas who have disabilities and have children as well. I know I know, I am not alone in this world and there is probably a group out there that does exist but I just haven’t found them yet. So here I am. If there is something you feel all alone in and if you feel like an outcast, know that you are not alone in that feeling. I say it not to grab attention or make people feel sorry for me (honestly nothing is worse than having a disability and people having pity for you) but to show you that someone understands that hurt and pain and the feeling of being an outcast. You are important. You have a great purpose in life and I am happy you are here. So cry, scream, do some air punching and let it out my friend, your feelings matter.